So...here's about how the conversation went down (multiply by 3 hours):
M: Can you please explain what happened to make you leave the church?
S: Blah blah blah...[Mix 1 cup cognitive dissonance and 1 cup unhappiness, add 1 cup successful psychotherapy and 1 teaspoon church history]...blah blah blah.
M: But I know the church is true.
S: But I know it's not. Plus I'd rather go to hell than believe in a god who appointed Joseph Smith and Brigham Young (et al) as prophets. They were bad men.
M: But I don't care about them.
S: But I wish you would.
M: I think your choices are hurtful and self-destructive and I will feel responsible for your salvation for the rest of my life.
S: I understand that you think so, but I disagree, and just fyi the more I am treated like my choices are self-destructive, the less I will want to be around you.
M: But I love you.
S: I love you too.
What was accomplished by the conversation? I guess at least she understands more of how I came to leave the church, which helps her to attach a reason and make sense of it. But personally, I just feel more frustrated.
It seems to me that the only way to still be able to spend time together and feel good about it is for both of us to keep our opinions to ourselves (which is pretty much what we've been doing for the past year and a half). I asked her to try to treat me and my boyfriend like she would treat neighbors who have their own set of strong beliefs. She doesn't think that's possible.
Damn those who would (and do) make parents feel eternally responsible for their "wayward" children! I just can't see how that helps the relationship AT ALL.