Looking back: How I came to Question

A loved one just called to arrange a time for us to talk.  I'm looking forward to it, but - I couldn't help but wonder if there was an ulterior motive behind the call.  After all, I recently announced I'm moving in with my boyfriend.  Is it possible this is an attempt to talk some sense into me?  Frankly I don't mind, because these are usually the talks that allow me to express my view of things too.  I'm in favor of more open communication, which means the vocalization of different points of view. 

So, accepting the invitation led me on a trip down memory lane.  I started thinking about all the issues that added up and gave me the courage to finally question and then (5 minutes later) reject Mormonism.  If I were to make a roughly chronological list, I would say my deconversion was mostly facilitated by the following:

• My recognition that Mormonism preached "ye shall know them by their fruits," but failed to boast significantly more of the "good fruits" than other religions
• My secret admission (post-mission) that I'd prefer the eternal company of lots of people not interested in Mormonism over many Mormons and investigators
• My low opinion of the morality/maturity of the average single Mormon man in comparison with those outside of the church (for example, one of my gay friends who left the church was just head and shoulders above many of my active male peers in overall goodness)
• My inability to reconcile the idea of a god who preferred his children to stay single if a temple-worthy spouse was not to be found with a god who 1) wanted his children to learn by having families, and 2) would command a prophet (Hosea) to marry a harlot 
• My education in theories of learning, which led me to recognize Mormonism theology as based on behaviorism - a manipulative mode of learning (why would god choose to base his religion on such a qualitatively and morally inferior mode of learning?)
• My frustration with the disproportionate focus on striving for personal perfection versus actively working for peace in the world
• My perception of a general sense of self-loathing and eternal inadequacy within myself and among many of my most faithful friends and a belief that such was not healthy or consistent with the happiness promised from living the gospel
• My realization that so many prophets in the Book of Mormon and other scriptures were self-righteous
• My recognition that Joseph Smith was emotionally manipulative
• My disbelief in a god who would EVER allow his prophets (eg. Brigham Young) to fuel racism
• My disbelief in a god who would simultaneously endorse agency and discourage access to multiple points of view (wasn't the war in heaven supposed to have started with a two-sided debate?)
• My growing understanding of how the brain works