Soon after I realized I didn't believe in the LDS church (September 2009), I talked with a fellow exmo on the phone. He has been out of the church for 5 years. As we talked about Mormon friends and family, I expressed my sadness that no one else of my close acquaintance would likely ever leave the church. I was surprised when fellow exmo countered that actually, 1)he had several friends who'd left the church since he had and 2)he didn't think it at all unlikely that many more would follow.
At the time I couldn't comprehend such an idea. It seemed like a miracle (still does) that I'd ever managed to reject the church and walk away. To think that other of my friends and family could do the same...??
Of course since then I've learned that a few old friends are going through the same thing as me.
And, the longer I'm out, the more I find myself continually thinking that surely, SURELY, they're all gonna figure it out eventually!!...and leave, just like I did.
It's like I know it's not true that such a mass exodus will take place - I know plenty (the majority) will stick with it for life - I just can't comprehend it.
Does anyone else feel this way when they're around mormons, this feeling of surreality that such a belief system can be maintained?
12 comments:
After my 'click moment' (around October 2005), I kept going to church. That's because I knew it was a big deal, and I didn't want to pull the ripcord too hastily.
I think I kept going for another six months, and what I found was that the less I believed in it all, the more I found the meetings intolerable. At times I felt like I was in a room full of space aliens. You guys believe there was a literal ARK? Seriously? Even though I'd believed the same things myself not too long before, it just seemed freakishly abnormal.
Now, since having my own blog, I have had several Mormon friends (from the mission, from past life, no one local) come and tell me they don't believe either. I realise however, that there are a lot of people who will never get out, and that makes me feel kinda sad.
One thing that surprised me on my mission in Ohio is the large number of ex-mormons I would encounter. In some areas, it seemed like there were just as many ex-mormons as there were mormons.
Its the movie The Matrix in real life. Once you are out of the matrix, you can never again understand the mindset of those who are still in it. It suddenly becomes just bizarre that anyone would spend years arguing over the internal consistency of something that makes far more sense when you just admit that it is all fiction.
This is pretty interesting. I'm still in the mindset that, "I'm the only one; no one I know would leave, etc.,"
Because it seems like the people I know fit into a few categories. 1) People who are very entrenched. They have had experience upon experience and have fully accepted LDS explanations for those experiences. I don't see what would get them to take "other" explanations.
2) People who are not entrenched at all, but who live Mormonism as a social reality. A lot of people I know, I don't think they even consider theological or historical issues of Mormonism. I think they would say, "So?" I think it's that they are socially Mormon and see no reason to be anything else. Even if they didn't agree or believe in something, the sociality persists.
Ironically, when people *I* know "do" leave, I find that they fit stereotypes that people say about people who leave. E.g., they "still believe deep inside, but they just wanted to sin," and with time, they realize the terrible fruits of apostasy and come back. So, I don't really regard this as leaving at all.
As an Exmo, you are personify the same know-it-all attitude you attribute to Mormons. I'm sure you feel liberated for no longer being tied down by a belief system, but that is not equivalent to Enlightenment.
And basing your new view of the cosmos on a Hollywood movie ... typical, convenient, but not much to brag about.
And basing your new view of the cosmos on a Hollywood movie ... typical, convenient, but not much to brag about.
Wow, Dave, that was incredibly rude. I wasn't "bragging" about my comparison to the Matrix. Sometimes metaphors just help us to understand life.
Daniel - exactly.
Reuben - that's interesting! I encountered several less-actives, but rarely ex-mos. How did that affect you as a missionary?
M. Curie - that reminds me, I still need to see the Matrix! And I absolutely agree that metaphors help us understand life better.
Andrew - interesting. Would you say then that the ones you do know who have left (via the internet anyway) tend to come from group 1?
Dave - unfortunately it's easy to misconstrue tone on the web in the absence of nonverbals, but I did not intend to sound haughty. Just sincere. It's actually kind of scary when things feel surreal. Twilight zone-ish.
I will be the first to admit I know very little about the nature of the universe! I'm probably much more familiar with what I don't believe than what I do. But the acceptance of not knowing all the answers is also quite liberating.
Sarah,
People on the internet who leave seem to have a variety of position, but yes, a common theme I hear is that they always were very entrenched in the church. It's fairly interesting the disconnect (which makes me think we probably aren't very representative, for better or for worse). Like you responded to Reuben, I see more less-actives offline...perhaps I'm not looking in the right places, but never have known an ex-mo offline.
Good post! Everybody who commented here has already said some very wise things, so I'll be brief. I too find it amazing that people can stay in the church- it is so obviously man-made! But then I have to remember all the brilliant men and women with degrees who believe things like God helps them find their car keys, it's ok not to tell people about tithing until after they are asked to be baptized, the list goes on! The existence of the flat earth society should be enough to convince anyone that anybody can believe anything they want- reality just doesn't factor in.
-Anthony
I have seen relatively few family and friends leave the Church. It seems that many if not most stay connected to the Church to one degree or another. In a way this is unsurprising particularly since I was raised in Utah where the Church is so culturally entrenched.
Sadly I think the Church will remain strong in numbers for many, many years to come. Social constructs are a very interesting dynamic. A large part of why it makes sense to adopt or maintain a social construct has nothing to do with it's rational validity but on the number and type of people adopting them.
If one's family, friends, and neighbors believe a certain religion it can be socially beneficial to adopt it and social disadvantageous to not adopt it or even more so to contend with it. Because of this many people have a basic instinctual negativ response to evaluating evidence which contradicts the predominant social construct in their lives and positive instinctual response to accepting the predominant social construct in their lives and Mormons and other religious groups label these emotions 'the Spirit'.
These reinforcing emotions combined with the inherent social pressures and benefits of belonging to a cohesive social group make Mormonism virtually impenetrable to the overwhelming evidence contradicting it. The lack of cohesive social structures for communities outside of religions (particularly for adults) only adds to the reality that Mormonism and religion in general are not going away anytime soon.
It was Max Planck who said, "Science advances one funeral at a time."
I think this is also true of seculo-rational agnosto-atheism.
I think this post has generated some of my favorite comments. Thanks for sharing your thoughts everyone!!
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