Aha. Yeah....that explained a LOOOOOOOOOOT. !!!
And do you know what is lovely about my therapist? She didn't tell me I was wrong, or I shouldn't feel that way. She just asked me the question often enough, that I started to wonder whether that was really how I wanted love to feel, and whether that feeling helped explain why I felt so incredibly cramped and stifled in my relationships. I knew that feeling cramped and stifled was not a part of my vision of how love should be.
These days, I have a new mantra: I think heaven is plurality.
I'm not sure how to achieve that kind of a world, but I believe that the first step in getting there is to recognize the false teachings in statements like these:
"he that hath the spirit of contention is ... of the devil, who is the father of contention"
Oh so it's not because we each experience life uniquely - it's because of SATAN.
"there were no contentions and disputations among them, and every man did deal justly one with another"
Ironic (considering that modern-day justice is achieved through and in response to disputation) and unrealistic (the idea of a world in which everyone innately views the delineation of rights in the same way? without disagreement and discussion? absurd!). The beauty of human interaction is that through communication we can tap into a perspective bigger than our own.
Here is one in particular that I think is ridiculous. It explains the need for proselytizing:
"That perhaps they might bring them to the knowledge of the Lord their God, and convince them of the iniquity of their fathers; and that perhaps they might cure them of their hatred towards the Nephites, that they might also be brought to rejoice in the Lord their God, that they might become friendly to one another, and that there should be no more contentions in all the land which the Lord their God had given them."
Right. Because the fact that you don't like me is indicative of diseased thinking. You're clearly wrong. Only if you see things from MY point of view will I stop feeling hated, threatened. Only if you see things from MY point of view can we be friendly.
In my very strong opinion, the idea that unity/harmony requires conformity is not only flawed but also harmful. It suggests that opposing views cannot peaceably coexist.
I have a hope that they can.